Art Basel: Expensive Shit

So, Art Basel is entering its end run now. Most of the primo stuff at these fairs is snagged before must people even see it-- collectors sneak in ahead of time, or they buy stuff their dealers send them cellphone pix of, and by the time the masses arrive on the weekend, there are red dots next to all the works (unless the galleries move out the sold goods and do a second hanging). But, you know, I'm not an expert, so if you want to really read about who bought what and all that art-world gossip, you should read the Art Newspaper (which has a daily edition for the duration of the fair) or Artnet or Artforum.

The Art Newspaper had an article on "Bling Conceptualism," because lots of artists seem to be working in expensive materials these days. I don't know, I don't really remember the article now and there's no link to it on the website. But it mentioned Terence Koh's work, part of Art Statements, presented by Peres Projects, which contains gold "turds":


It sold, of course, right away. And this reminded me of something I read a while back in that online magazine Artkrush about some designer kid, Tobias Wong, who makes capsules of gold flakes that you eat to turn your shit into gold.
I mentioned this to my good friend, Grumpy Old Man.

OAC: This designer makes gold capsules that you eat and they make your shit gold.
GOM: Your shit turns into gold?
GOM: you mean, like, gold flakes?
OAC: Well, yeah, obviously you can't then turn your shit into a necklace. It makes it look gold.
GOM: no way it makes your shit gold. I'm sorry. that's just stupid. I'm going to
"design" my own product called "gonorrhea" that makes you pee red.

Speaking of turning shit into art, a reader of my column over on the Suicide Girls website brought my attention to a story about recent events at the Royal Academy of Arts in London. Now, I'm not an expert, but I think this is a morality tale for our times-- really an object lesson in the confusion that is a result of what's going on in art these days: The Royal Academy put on display the base of a sculpture (which had become separated from the artwork it was supposed to support), thinking that it was the artwork itself.

To be fair to the Royal Academy, though, the slate and wood base has got to be better than this:

Now, I'm not an expert, but I'd wanna lose the head, too.

But remember, kids, it's all been done before.